Properly, it is that point of yr once more! We Fergusons have had an amazing yr. Listed below are a number of of our highlights.
As you may see from the enclosed household picture, Bob misplaced 40 kilos on a low-carb eating regimen. He needed to get a second job to afford the eating regimen, as a result of he now eats extra pink meat than a grizzly bear, however you may’t knock the outcomes. The low-carb plan does not help you eat something cheap like pasta, potatoes or rice. However you may eat as many $12-per-pound steaks as you want. We have spent a lot on meals this yr, we won’t afford to purchase him new garments! His pants are so saggy, he appears to be like like he simply graduated from clown faculty. Nonetheless, it beats the abdomen staple the docs have been speaking about, and he says he feels good.
Talking of well being, Chardonnay’s nostril ring obtained contaminated and he or she missed most of this final semester at junior school. The entire expertise has made her suppose critically about altering her main from Tattoo Artwork Appreciation to Life Teaching, however nothing’s agency but.
The actually thrilling information is that Chardonnay lastly has a boyfriend — a lawyer. No, wait a minute. Bob says I’ve obtained that flawed. The boyfriend is not a lawyer, the boyfriend has a lawyer. My dangerous. Youngsters lately! I may by no means have afforded a lawyer after I was his age. He should actually be good. He is residing above our storage “till the warmth dies down” at his place, he says. Bob and I used to have an condo like that, too — as soon as the warmth got here on, you might by no means flip it off.
Josh is doing nicely in Golf Course Administration; he got here “thisclose” to creating the Professional’s Listing this semester, apart from his low grade in lawn-mowing. Thank goodness he obtained an A in Watering Grass 101.
Bob’s mom continues to be residing. With us. Typically she’s a bit forgetful. I believe she would most likely be higher off in a nursing dwelling, however Bob will not hear of it. He says, “So long as you are wholesome, why should not she stick with us?” Aside from the smoking, the consuming, the cleansing, the cooking, the swearing and the laundry, she’s not a lot of a trouble. And the youngsters love her. They’re at all times attempting to make her snug. However regardless of what number of instances I inform them, they nonetheless attempt to flip her oxygen again on when she’s smoking.
I suppose that is nearly as good a time as any to elucidate that newspaper headline in June, “Bob Ferguson Arrested in Credit score Card Fraud.” Truly, it was excellent news: They lastly arrested the man who had stolen Bob’s identification. They caught him attempting to cost a Slim Jim and a field of Handi-Wipes down on the Fuel and Go Away. Little did the thief know that Bob’s bank cards have been maxed out for months, and all of the clerks have orders to name the police if he ever tries to make use of a bank card there once more.
The thief is in jail and continues to be pretending to be Bob, however that may most likely change when he finds out concerning the again taxes we owe from that tax-shelter fiasco final yr. Apparently, you may’t simply skip mowing your yard, name it a “tree farm” and begin taking an agricultural deduction. Who knew? But when the pretend Bob Ferguson desires to do eight to 10 years for tax fraud, that is high-quality with us.
Which jogs my memory, make sure you watch Bob’s dad on “60 Minutes” subsequent week to listen to his facet of the story. The church calls it embezzlement, however Dad swears it was only a bookkeeping mistake.
Properly, that is about it from the Fergusons. I’ve obtained to go choose up Fluffy from the vet. I am unsure I wish to see the invoice, however actually — how a lot may a easy tail reattachment price, anyway?
Wishing you and yours a Completely satisfied Vacation,